My fierce heart cries out

Beating and blasting the chest wall

HELP it screams

A silent cavern where the noise stays echoing inward

No one can hear they just see the intense eyes and scowl line

He’s an emotional guy

They say

Wears his heart on his sleeve

They say

They know not the internal mechanisms of my elaborations

Rather they know the by product of feelings the

Miasma of passion the reconciliation of endless strife

Battle of the inner-mind fought on a blood streaked plain

Bodies smoking in the ruins and the chilling hum of empty caravans and

Twisted armor

Here is where I am 200 feet tall and swinging an axe

Here is where I am tiny and lost

Here is where my footsteps crush the oppressive whine of the machine

Here is where I cower in fright

Madness is not the result of this affray

It is a byproduct like the passion

Really I am just a book worm

Passive unless provoked

Quiet except when pontificating

Maybe that’s the lie I tell myself

Really loud I am

Expansive, explosive, extroverted to the nth power

Highly aggravated

Defiant and occasionally rude

This tempered by some siren in me

Some dancing light that is musically centered

She sings a song of penance and creativity

She lifts my heart out of the mud bog

She douses my blades in chill waters

She strokes my fever with cool hands

The battle rages on

Always fighting for the perceived good

Lashing out against the injustice and standing up for the legless and heartless

No backing down ever

But so tired sometimes

So tired

Judge me in your way then, pass on your triviality to my visage

I stand for you, for me, for us.

No time for sleep.

 

So you are there

Doing the job

Getting ready to suck down yet another

Submarine Sandwich for lunch

‘Cause they are healthy for fuckssake

When your ever present ever squawking ever lovin’ radio bursts out

Another sad tale

Firemen being shot at

Need help yesterday

Send the ARMY

Aint no army though,

Just us coppers

Rolling through the hot Vegas streets all ablaze with light and sound

Believing from experience that this is just another fire

With rounds cooking off inside

Must think they are being shot at but no way man

NO ONE shoots at fireman

Suddenly one of my children,

My men

My badass warriors

voices comes over the air

I SEE HIM

HE’S GOT A GUN

TAKING ROUNDS, TAKING ROUNDS

HE’S MOVING

HE’s RELOADING

This is information that sets ones nerves on a razors edge

I turn down the street where a guy had reportedly set his house afire

Shot at the firemen who came to put it out

And was now engaged in the attempted murder of one of my team

And nothing is there.  No one.

Street as empty as an abandoned factory

Dusty and silent

I drive down it thinking of Hogan’s alley and deathtraps

I pass a house with smoke coming out of the chimney and see him

Large man, dark skin, white shirt, long gun,

BOOM

He shoots at me as I accelerate up the street

The sound of bullets hitting metal in my Doppler

I figured he hit my car but it was the car behind me

This is now an official shit-storm

Out of the car, dead run with shotgun in hand

Rounds whizzing by me into the trees on my left

Sound of bullets smashing into concrete cinderblock

(!this guy is trying to kill us!)

See one of the other sergeants parked right in front of the house

My mind races at light-speed, HE’S IN DANGER THE FUCKER IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM

I take aim with the shotgun, suspect framed in a perfect sight picture

Snap the trigger, blasting the image in front of me and hit or not he moves

Didn’t know it then but my peer had already been shot at and hit

K9 cop a voice in my ear

“your too far dude” speaking of my shotgun

Didn’t matter

Had to take the shot

Had to distract him a second ‘fore he killed Sergeant Frank

Ya do what ya gotta do and then we go home

That’s my motto

Suspect taking cover now, reloading behind a car

Officers crouching, running pell-mell

Suspect still viable taking aim

I had already looked into his barrel once too many times and

Now couldn’t see him anywhere

He was crouching behind the car

Popping up to shoot at us again I hear the staccato beat of semi-automatic weapons fire

Don’t know if its bad guy or us

He’s down

Reaching for the long gun again when another one of my men lines up carefully and shoots him a final time

Moment of silence with the vine-like ropes of cordite clinging to the atmosphere

A testament of finality that clears the vision harder than cold splashing water

Medical aid for the downed man behind massive vehicular cover

K-9 dog bites him first to make sure he aint a possum

He aint.  He moves like a discarded childs rag-doll, pulled willy-nilly on the packed dirt

We approach tactical and ready

I lead an assault element to the burning house and upon kicking the door get overwhelmed with thick black rolling smoke

Heartbeat slows

Vision normal

The beat goes on

I hear a senior Lieutenant over the air saying “LET IT BURN” and my heart is glad

This man on the ground and his poor choices

Actively trying to kill innocent people

Will harm no one again and the

Other Sergeant received minor wounds and was treated and released from the hospital

So we are all ok.  Me and my team.  My fellow warriors.  Out in the thankless heat of the city we did our best to survive and we did survive and we carry on

The psycho circus still beats behind my eyelids as my minds eye pictures the Crazy Motherfucker who tried to kill us

I am sad for his mama

But like the rest of the world

He made his choices and we went home

Same ass back as you brought in,

That’s my motto.

 

The tribe stood and looked at her

Virginal and pure

Skin soft and pliant and a scent of lilac and summer rain

Emanating from hot spots on her skin

Eyes reflecting light and moon and stars

Pools of quicksilver flashing and beckoning

Nose of perfection

Taking in the scents around her and classifying them

Lips of silk and sugar and a mouth spawning rivers and streams filled with plasma

Breasts bountiful, the standing nipples promising life for all hunger

They spew forth meat and corn and fish and soy and wheat and wine and quenching

Her stomach the mine of all of their envy, filled with diamonds and pearls and gold

Her center is the beginning Creation

Gentle folds that unfurl and furl, birth and life and beginning shining in the wet creases

Infant creatures appear and arrive and breathe and live

Her legs are mountains that touch the sun

The tribe trembles and shakes and fucks her

Each thrust sending nirvana in waves that they rise and fall upon

A feast of their senses and they take the love that is given freely

Again and again the bodies rise and fall

Gorging on the passion and green and endlessness of her heady embrace

Never enough to have enough they go and go and go and go and go

No pause for her breath to catch and return

Eyes spinning up in warning

Her love is free but finite in its physicality

She begs them to stop and wait and tread with gentle steps but now its rape

Her screams held back by hands heavy with money and guns

Television screens beam back the carnage to the lines of waiting sex that yearns to feed on her

She tries and tries to warn them

Ending the existence of

One life after another,

One plant after another

One precious stone after another and the rape continues

She tries to tell them that she is not fragile but not immortal

She shakes and coughs and cries

Her mouth is filled with their need though and they hear not a thing but the moans of their own

Ecstasy echoing in their ears as they feed and feed

Deeper they plunge into her, the tribe a whistling, spinning drill

Tearing the very core of her to pieces

Flung to the sides and tops and bottom she begins to bleed to death

Black oil from creatures past erupt in arterial gout and stain the sea

We drive and turn the music up in countless automobiles and watch the brain box and hope the President will fix this but

We are in this thing together and the sex is too good to stop.

Therein he lie

Bells and buzzers aflight

Awash in overhead glow

From fluorescent light

Does he know?

Does he know?

Fluids wash on by

Dextrose drips and laughs

Some wicked candle dance

As measured graphs tote out the sentence

Does he feel?

Does he feel?

I am looking down

Like a dream of death where one never wakes

Like a bath of lies that only takes

And see myself in his cheek borne lashes

The pain of loss

Held back for the machines

That hold his soul in metal arms

 

There was a risk

Certainly

In drinking all that coffee so late

So late into the night

Even mixed with booze it

Courses through veins, arteries, capillaries

Sinew

Beating a pattern on the inside of my skull

Hieroglyphics spelling out

Deathchants and rainbows

Fingers spasm and shake

Eyes fritter and pop

Teeth grind and in the end its

Asleep awake at the keyboard

Poetry singeing the plastic

Morphing the letters into looping nothing

Here again

Caught in the turmoil that is the

Mind awake

Searching and sweating

Cursing and reviewing

Random discourse set in the fiery lightning that

Connects the dots of my thoughts in this

Swirling madness of

Alertness I reach and reach and reach over and

Pummel, destroy,  and finally obliterate the

Snooze button.

Copyright 2010 Harry Fagel